Since University is now less than a month away my mind has been going into overdrive wondering if going back to school is something I can really do. Now before I go any further I just want to say this not me saying I want to drop out or anything like that. This is just me documenting my current worries and feelings.
I’ve mentioned this many times before I do have anxiety and this often causes me to over think and have intrusive thoughts. It is these intrusive thoughts that are currently causing myself to doubt myself.
That first thought
It all started when I asked myself the simple question of ‘what will I need?’ This was in terms of stationery and bits for class. This simple question then snowballed into ‘shit it’s been four years, what if I don’t know how to study anymore?’
Obviously, I know it will take me a bit of adjustment to get back into the mind frame of being in a classroom again. Four years is a long time and it is fine to be worried about that. But that doesn’t mean to say I won’t be able to cope.
As I said before these are just my current anxieties and I know if they persist while I am at uni there are a whole range of support systems that I can use. I know that in reality, all I will need is a notebook and some pens. I know how to take notes and slowly studying will become easy once again. Unfortunately, while panic attacks don’t seem to be an issue for me anymore I can’t figure out how to shift these intrusive thoughts. I’m not going to let them get the better of me but I felt like I needed to share them with you today.