The other day I had a dream. I was sat in the refectory and my sister came and sat down next to me. I woke up before we could talk but ever since I have had this niggling feeling in the back of my mind. If you know me or if you have been reading my blog for a while you will know a relationship with my sister is something that doesn’t exist. Am I sad about this? Usually, I would say no. That it was just a part of life and that my family were people I just didn’t get along with. But recently I guess I just miss having a sister.
Part of me wonders if these feelings have come about due to be now having a plethora of female friends. The fact I am talking to them about things I should talk to a sister. Doing things with them that I should be doing with a sister. In the past, I never had female friends and I wonder if this is because deep down I didn’t want to replace this empty role in my life.
Today I broke down. I was hidden in my toilet not really understanding why I was upset. It wasn’t until one of my closest friends came looking for me that it all hit me. I needed to talk to her. I needed to know she was ok. I needed to know she was happy. I miss having a sister.
Just a Message
After a lot of tears shed and feelings told we decided messaging her would be what is best. My friend took everything that was said and wrote a beautiful message that encompassed everything I have been feeling. The message was signed off saying that I don’t expect a reply but she always have a sister here.
She opened the message but never replied. But this is ok. I never expect after all this time to her even want to give me the light of day after everything that has happened.
My Real Family
After more tears were shed and hugs given my friend said something that really struck a chord with me. He said ‘do you want to go and see your real family now?’ The people who I live with are now my family. They are the people who are there for me for every moment of laughter, for every little wobble and for every drunken memory. They are the family that matter. They are my real family now.